Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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