I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
someone get that fucking seahorse.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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