I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
