Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
