I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize