He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
