So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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