I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
