Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
