Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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