Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
