you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
