I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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