my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
