I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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