this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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