i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
