ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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