There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
