dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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