My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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