i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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