I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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