my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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