Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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