Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
