im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
