i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and she was petting her beer can
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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