I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
