I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
