i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize