once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
