Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
