Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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