I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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