I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
