Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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