how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
