he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
