I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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