I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
