Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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