Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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