If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
