i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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