The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
