The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
