So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
