I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
