this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
