woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
