Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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