i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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