A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
