sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
