it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
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This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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