Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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