I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
