he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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