Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You pole danced in your parka.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize