I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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