Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
