you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
