i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize