It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
