i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
