The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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