So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
