Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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