I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
