shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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