I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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