coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
