So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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