Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
