U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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