I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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